Saturday, June 23, 2012

I met this girl named Corinna, she and I were talking about what we look for in people that we would consider as a future husband or wife. She said to me that she would not want to be with someone who already has kids because she wants to be the most important person in her husbands heart and she felt that if he already had kids with someone else that she would not be able to be that most important person.  At the time that seemed like an odd idea that was obviously from someone who has not had kids. I thought this because the love I have for my kids is completely different than the love I felt for my ex-wife. However I felt like it was something that would already be difficult to explain to someone who's first language is English, let alone someone who speaks English as a second language. So I just left it alone and took it as her giving the hint that "I think your nice and would like to be friends with you, but I'm not interested in going any further than that."


 Now that I've had a week to chew on that, I think she might be right.  Right now the number one lady in my life is most definitely my daughter Chloe. I love her more than words can say and think about her all the time.  So I wonder, is Corinna right? If I am fortunate enough to ever have another wife will she be number one in my heart next to my kiddos? or will she be the second most loved woman in my life. I don't know the answer to that. What I do know is that I don't want to be with someone who would be jealous of my kids, I want someone that would love me enough to know that the best way that they could show me that they love me is to love and want the best for what is most important in my life. That will always be my precious children, Chloe and Carson.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I Wish Nothing But The Best For You

Today my brain allowed my heart to remember a taste of the joy and passion that once filled it.  The subject of marriage came up at work and one of my single friends stated that he was too independent for marriage and would not like being married. In an instance I recalled the strong feelings that lead me to get married. Without thinking or hesitation I told him and everyone else in the room that "I got married because I loved my ex and I knew that my level of happiness with her was far and above any level of happiness I could find on my own." I then got a high five from one of my sergeants. After I said it I got kind of a hot flash, I knew that I had opened up more in that moment than I ever had before in front of any of my co-workers. I had forgotten about that joy that I was filled with when I first met Stefanie and the years that followed. Those really were the happiest years of my life. As I reflected on those feelings and amazing times with newly remembered definition, I began to think about her as the lover that brought such unimaginable joy to my life. Not as the person who broke my heart into a million pieces that I am still putting back together. As I thought about her in that light, I decided that if I really love her that I should want for her to feel that way again. I really hope for the best for her and that she has found someone who has made her feel the same way that she made me feel.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened' - Dr. Seuss